Apartness

Life swings
between joy and sadness,
togetherness and loneliness.

Today,
now, I hold out—
but succumb.

It's gone.

Compressed in the same room, all alone,
I'm not really fine.
Inside, all I have is a missing of love.
My heart deadens with dazed glimmers.
I've drawn myself to these cold things.

My soul numbs and drifts apart—
all alone in this apartness.

All I do now is talk to myself,
so wretched and trapped,
betrayed by myself
to the terrors of my life.

Each step I take makes me think back
to the days of fantasy.

But the only thing that keeps me breathing
is having a hopeful wish:

These thrills will come again
and never leave me.