My favorite Buddhist Parables

Many teachings of Buddhism is taught and told in short and delightful parables. They are usually designed to develop the mind and to free it from distortions and so to connect with our spirit.

Many of them are really inspiring and enlightening. It is helpful to the mind to think about them and feel the deeper meaning. Even if it is not possible to grasp them fully, the beauty and simplicity of the message usually get through to us one way or the other.

Some parables are a selection of the ones I found most inspiring and really worth pondering about. Some may be instantly understood, some others need to be thought through and recognized in oneself. We must always keep in mind two crucial principles: the Buddha Mind and serious practice. Without practice, and without the determination to achieve Buddha-hood for the benefit of all sentient beings (Bodhi Mind), parables merely feed the intellect and may become, in the words of D.T. Suzuki, "mere bubbles." 

1.       The Moving Flag

Two Buddhists monks were arguing about a flag flapping in the wind.

"It's the wind that is really moving," stated the first one.

"No, it is the flag that is moving," contended the second.

A third interrupted them. "Neither the flag nor the wind is moving," he said, "It is MIND that is moving."

2.       Goddess of Wealth / Goddess of Poverty

Once a beautiful and well-dressed woman visited a house. The master of the house asked her who she was and she replied that she was the goddess of wealth. The master of the house was delighted and so greeted her with open arms. Soon after another woman appeared who was ugly looking and poorly dressed. The master asked who she was and the woman replied that she was the goddess of poverty. The master was frightened and tried to drive her out of the house, but the woman refused to depart, saying, 'The goddess of wealth is my sister. There is an agreement between us that we are never to live apart; if you chase me out, she is to go with me.' Sure enough, as soon as the ugly woman went out, the other woman disappeared.

Birth goes with death. Fortune goes with misfortune. Bad things follow good things. Men should realize this. Foolish people dread misfortune and strive after good fortune, but those who seek Enlightenment must transcend both of them. (from The Teaching of the Buddha)

3.       A True Buddha

Three monks were drinking tea.

The Buddhist master asked the first monk, “What do you drink with your tea?”

The first monk replied, “I drink suffering, loneliness and make peace and happiness.”

The master nodded and exclaimed, “Oh, you are great, an enlightened one. You go now.”

The same question was asked to the second monk.

And the second monk replied, “I drink Buddha’s teaching, compassion and the Buddha himself with the tea.”

The master now fully satisfied with his explanation said, “You are a truly Buddha, an enlightened one. You too go.”

Then the master asked the third monk, “What do you drink with your tea?”

The third monk replied, “I picked out the fly from the tea cup and drink only tea.”

The master smiled and said, “You are the right person to sit in my place.”

And the master gave his sit to the third monk.

4.       The Buddha

There were two monks.

Younger is sitting in zazen.

Elder inquires, “Why are you sitting in zazen?”

Younger replies, “By sitting in zazen, I hope eventually to become a Buddha.”

Elder picks up a brick and begins rubbing it on a rock.

Younger laughs, “And what are you doing?”

Elder replies, “I am polishing this brick in hopes that eventually it will become a mirror.”

(The advanced story ends here, but for the rest of us it continues.)

Younger asks, “How can polishing a brick make a mirror?”

Elder retorts, “How can sitting in zazen make a Buddha!”

(And, true to the ancient formula, the younger monk instantly became a mirror.)

Give, and you Shall be Given Kick.

If you give anything for free, you will be misrepresented and wronged someday. I have learned this the hard way: free without heart kills. DPT is right in some ways. Go on banning Druk Prohibition Party (DPT)—if you win next time, that is. No pressure.

Sometimes, religious philosophies mislead you. The religions say, "Give, and it shall be given to you" (Luke 6:38), and "Give to those needy poor" (a common Buddhist saying). The truth is, everyone needs. The rich need to get richer, and the poor are battling to become richer. So where does that leave the rest of us? Confused and lighter in the pocket.

Give? I bet these human species will not give you back. They have learned to take and forget good deeds faster than a dog forgets who fed it. I have never heard of anyone who got so much free just like that without something going wrong. This "freeness" creates misapprehension in relationships too. Because of giving, I lost many people in my life. One was a relative who smilingly borrowed Nu. 10,000. Later, he stopped talking to my family. Apparently, silence is cheaper than repayment.

I have had many grave experiences like this. There was this boy—a crook with a grouchy mouth and a habit of showing very bad behavior. I taught him for free many times. I expected nothing, but I was afraid of kicks. The Bhutanese have a saying: if you raise a horse, you will only get kicks. Well, I raised a donkey. The next time he asked me again—because I have a job too, not a money tree. He became so dependent and so lazy that he couldn't even read a single line from a book. The more I told him to learn and improve, the more dependent he became. He wouldn't listen. That's how he got angry. Now, I am considered mean and selfish. He gets me wrong, and I find myself in the most awkward predicament. And guess who ends up in trouble? Not him. Me. Always me.

Last time, we had a guest lecture, and it was free. Nobody attended because it was free. Free seems to be worthless sometimes. The Sharchop word for free is "Tongpa," which literally means nothing—empty. Zero. Nada. You've got to think about that.

This freeness has become an impediment to a peaceful life. Everything in life doesn't come free as we think. Everything is cost-effective. It's do and get, pay and receive—not always receiving. Learn to give back. The receiver becomes lazy and dependent. The Buddhist teaching says that to reach an enlightened state, and if you want to see the door of heaven, you must not search for and receive free things, but submit to gain freedom. Or maybe just submit to working for a living.

In giving anything free, I feel we must take some considerations into account. Here is my list, based on my own painful experience:

1. Why are you giving it for free? (Are you stupid or just nice?)
2. How to give it? (With conditions, hopefully.)
3. What will be the consequences? (Spoiler: bad.)
4. What is your future position? (Probably broke and bitter.)
5. Give only twice or thrice, and you will know the person. If you give every time, you are a fool. A generous fool, but still a fool.

I support DPT for their forceful and valid way of banning many things to bring the country back on track. Go on, DPT. And PDP (People's Dead Party, as I like to call them) farcically gives deadly attacks and deadly promises to kill DPT's banning. Here's a small—and favorite—joke of mine. Prime Minister Jigme Y. Thinley (JYT) proudly declared in one gathering before the 2008 election in Nanong that there are three "JIGMEs" in Bhutan, and the country may not function if two are missing: the Big Jigme (the King), the Small Jigme (JYT), and the Smaller Jigme (JD), who is not in the picture. The survival of the Smaller Jigme makes me laugh. That poor fellow survives his life beating his goat skin-coated dramnyen (Bhutanese guitar). Rock on, Smaller Jigme.

That autocratic statement by JYT to the Bhutanese media was really striking and strong. (Click for more info, The Bhutanese.) He warned media house owners and accused the media of creating disharmony and spoiling the country's image. The DPT President said, "I will not leave you." I am with him. The media will become strong. Facts and concrete proof will be reported. The freedom of the press doesn't mean they have the freedom to give false information or news to the public. In a free society—and especially under democratic rule—we should not take offense at our beliefs or wrongs being criticized. That is the hallmark of a healthy, vibrant democracy.

However, censorship and banning are the character of totalitarianism. Yet some standards of a totalitarian regime must not be allowed to drop. If they do, that would bring hatred and stifle the very liberal ideas of a vibrant democracy. The cost of freedom comes with the cost of sacrificing another freedom. It's like choosing which leg to stand on.

Some media must be banned to have a humane lifestyle in society. Some harmful social media like Facebook and Omega kill time, distract life, erode culture, and direct a false life. China has banned many such media to bring goodness to the country. We too can live without some of these harmful channels. If we can ban, we are moving forward, not backward—toward a civilized, culturally and socially attached life. Banning tobacco had significant benefits, and it was the right move.

Ban. Ban freedom to understand what freedom is and to value freedom.

Ban.

Teachers’ Day: From a Teacher’s Perspective

On Teachers' Day: Confessions of a Glorified Babysitter (Just Kidding... Mostly)

Coinciding with Teachers' Day today, I would like to write something about teaching and what it means to me. The best way I have learned to be a teacher is by looking at how others teach me—which is sometimes terrifying, sometimes inspiring, and occasionally a great lesson in what not to do. Teachers are lifelong learners who relish the chance to grow and evolve. Moreover, the innocent enthusiasm of young students keeps teachers young, as they remind you to smile through the chaos, the marking, and the endless meetings about meetings.

In many ways, learning and teaching are tied to each other—like a married couple who can't decide whether to hug or strangle each other. Teaching means helping people learn something. Teaching is learning, enriching, and growing. Teaching is caring, motivating, and inspiring. Teaching is collaborating, equalizing, energizing, and exhilarating. Teaching is also exhausting, confusing, and occasionally makes you want to hide in the supply closet. But we push through.

I gain fondness by seeing a person who learns, changes, and gains understanding about the meanings of life and the world they live in—and having the ability to be unselfish and worthy contributors to society. In other words, I help them grow into what they want to be, provided they stop sharpening pencils during my lecture.

I have encountered many best students in my life who have in turn shaped my life better. They are Monu Tamang, Mahindra, Yangchen, Sonam3s (yes, with a 3—there are many Sonams), Susan, Karma, to name a few. The rest are still a work in progress. So am I.

A novice child comes into class not able to read. When he leaves in December, he will have become independent, understood the way of things, and become a potential and creative solver. I have to say, seeing the progression of a child and making a difference in a child's life from February to December is invigorating. It's also exhausting, but in a good way—like running a marathon while being asked "Why?" every thirty seconds. That's what makes teachingmean the most to me.

Teaching to me means caring, nurturing, and developing minds and talents. It is about passion as much as it is about reason. It's about not only motivating students to learn but teaching them how to learn—and doing so in a manner that is relevant, meaningful, and memorable. It is about listening, questioning, being responsive, and pushing students to excel. At the same time, it's about being human, respecting others, and being professional at all times—even when someone has just asked, "Is this for marks?" for the fifteenth time.

Teaching is more than just a job. It's a calling. It's an ever-surprising mix of grueling hard work and ecstatic successes, both big and small. To constantly improve teachingcapabilities and to be there for the student, and to help with any problems they have, in or out of the class, to teach and delight—that is my motto. Also, to never lose my sense of humor. That one is survival.

There are as many different learning styles as there are ways to solve problems. The ability to look at life in a different way and to explain a topic in a different way is one approach. Not everyone gets a subject as taught by every teacher. Images, pictures, trips, and the occasional bribe of candy are some ways.

As a teacher, I think we need to have the ability to change, but it is also important to be able to keep hold of the good things—like coffee, patience, and the fire extinguisher. Some teachers may fear change, as change is uncertain, but it is not necessary for teachers to change everything they currently do in the classroom—just the things that aren't working. Like yelling. Or falling asleep during silent reading. Change is a slow and difficult process, so it should be taken step by step. Preferably with tea.

As teachers, we should always remember the 'Wise Old Owl':

The wise old owl lived in an oak

The more he saw, the less he spoke

The less he spoke, the more he heard

Why can't we all be like that bird?

Because, dear owl, we have thirty students asking questions at once, a principal with a clipboard, and a bell that rings every forty minutes. But we try.

The work of the teacher never ends. Its continuous ripple effects are always there, somewhere, somehow—like a bad cold or a good joke. We teachers must remember that if a student fails, then: the teacher has failed; the examination system has failed; the evaluation system has failed; and, by and large, the education system as a whole has failed. No pressure, though. Happy Teachers' Day!

Happiness Redefined?

Zagpa NgAAR Nye Shigpa la ko....From FB.

Happiness Redefined?

A concept like happiness—or freedom—poses problems for definition. Abstract words like these are quite open to interpretation and have no single real-world referent. For some, happiness is based solely on being part of a loving family that is safe and well provided for. For others, happiness is rooted in material possessions or power. Although people may have quite different interpretations of such concepts, in our everyday conversations we seem content with a general understanding of meaning, accepting that any utterance is open to some variation depending on the person speaking.

Briefly, there are two types of happiness: temporary and permanent. But by all measures, happiness is transient. There is no such thing as permanent or absolute happiness. It is a feeling—or rather, a series of feelings—born from the loss of mental consciousness. Happiness is the accumulation of many good activities, through which your mind becomes engaged. These many good actions sustain a good life. Physical or external happiness brings internal happiness.

Why GNH is NOT Successful

Why are we not happy? All of us are born blank—clear as crystal, with a simple mind. There is no question of "what is life?" when we begin. But once we grow, everything pours in: religion, culture, society, norms, fears. We are tuned like machines to act. Our lives are conformed and ruled. I have briefly considered some hitches, with references to particular consistencies.

The First Obstruction: Religion

The first obstruction to happiness is religion. A slightly deeper understanding of the spiritual world brings greater unhappiness, just as greater knowledge subsumes a major portion of happiness. Religion teaches concocted falseness about life—sufferings, sorrows, sins, death—that alters our lives and every action. Religion corrupts with many unrealistic imaginations and theories, and creates fears not only in this life but also in a next life, troubled by imagination. On the other hand, you feel compelled to follow the dogmas of religion from fear of excommunication by parents and community. You believe that religion is the only secret and your own way to reach heaven. Since religions say all are born as sinners, and if you don't purify in this life, you believe you will be condemned to hell by God. Thus you live under constant fear about whether your works are right according to religion. Your mind is filled with worry and anxiety about hell. So your life becomes fearful of living. It truly confuses your existence. For example, phallicism adds shame, and people secretly spit on and demean its values.

Religion teaches you to be like the Buddha, Lord Krishna, Christ, and so on. When you fail to attain that, you hate yourself and slowly become bad and corrupted, thinking you are not worthy to live. These doubts and superstitious beliefs ultimately dehumanize you. When you hate yourself, you hate your partner, your family, people, animals, your community, and society. You carry a cesspool of hatred. And hatred leads to an unhappy life.

The concept and search for emptiness in religion in turn fills your mind—making you god-fearing, not god-loving. You tend to suffer in real life because you live in the imagination, a world outside this world, infecting imaginary pains and suffering onto your surroundings, to a great extent. You are caught up in doubt. You are afraid to make decisions. You skip from one belief to another, always doubting whether you have found the right path. For example, a desire to be in an imaginary perfected heaven taunts real life more, and diminishes when you imagine hell. You become increasingly aware that your mind trembles between religion and life, likes and dislikes, pain and pleasure. This is the basis of the problem of suffering, and you distort the very nature of life. Religion sucks your life. There is no transcending happiness.

Consider this: a drunkard is often a happy man. He lives in the moment. He enjoys. He has no past, no present, no future—a buoyant life swings him with laughter. The effect of drugs can produce a state of happiness, but if you know you are drugged, your happiness fades. Religion is like drugs. If you don't know how to incorporate it into your life, you bungle a good life.

The followers of religious sects, in my view, are often among the most despicable people in the world. Monks, suppose, are a miserable group of species on earth. They sneak out of monasteries and play snooker or caroms in the Hong Kong market in Thimphu. They rape. They commit all kinds of illegal acts. The first tobacco offender in Bhutan was a monk. And he deserved three years in prison because he set a bad example for good people.

I have defined happiness as a collection of happy activities. Yet religion forbids many pleasurable, enjoyable activities. Where is happiness if these activities are not allowed? For example, religion prohibits playing degor or archery, or imposes a set of principles if one indulges too much. These activities provide short-term joy, and the recurrence of short-term joys is the essence of long-term inner peace and happiness. Happiness is also a manifestation of external or physical happiness. External happiness brings internal happiness.

Happiness is lost when there is no good love. And religion forbids this too. Where is happiness without attachment, affection, love, or passion? The cruel intention of religion is to isolate you, destroy your self-worth, and separate you from personal love and affection. Personal love and happiness radiate to others. Religion does not reflect life; it does not show good ways; it never touches life. In fact, it creates the illusion of separateness—the illusion that there is you and a totally separate other.

Religious superiority widens gaps and builds tensions. Some religious sects think their religion is true and superior and all others are false. For example, Muslims believe Islam is the true religion and all others are false. Because of these differences, religious tensions, racisms, gaps, problems, and violence are widespread. The perennial conflicts between Muslims and Buddhists in Burma make thousands of families unhappy. British colonizers used Christian missionaries to colonize people's minds. The history of wars tells us that many wars are based on religious rifts and conflicts. For example, the religious atrocities between Sunnis and Shiites tear thousands of lives apart. The early European conflict between Protestant Christians and the Catholic Church from 1524 to 1648, and the Crusades, are further examples of religiously motivated wars.

I am not against any religion per se, but I am against its principles, its sects, its confining customs. Religion confines and harms one internally rather than alleviating life. It prohibits the freedom to do and enjoy, even when no one else is harmed. I am against its superfluous interpretations, especially those coming from half-baked religious practitioners.

The Second Obstruction: Society

The second obstruction to a happy life is society and the people around you. To live life according to the control of others, to rely on others' opinions, to conform, and not to be true to yourself—this is so paltry that you lead a pitiful life. You mask your face. You imitate the pattern. You have no creative pattern of your own. You never improve because of these people and society. They devalue individualism. It is difficult to mind your own business, think about yourself, believe in yourself, and lead a happy life. For example, you may like fashion and want to learn about it. That is your interest. You will do something different from your villagers. But your environment lacerates you. You must walk the same trodden path. You don't have your own small path. What a heck? There is no "self." Instead, you live in a mix of anxious shadows—shame, unworthiness, rage, mistrust, rejection, desolation—that simmer below the surface of your face value.

True happiness is self-reliant. It listens to oneself, not to society, not to others' bullshit—not to your neighbor or your environment. Last weekend, I watched a gripping movie, The Stoning of Soraya M. This true story is a tale of horrific injustice from a feigned society. It represents the stilled practices and norms of society in many Middle Eastern countries. The story occurs in a village where stoning as capital punishment drives away the happiness of women and men alike. Zahra's revelation to French journalists about the stoning of Soraya is a revolution against the secret evils of a sadistic, misogynist society that fabricates superstitious beliefs to terrorize and brutally execute a woman.

The Third Obstruction: Material Development

The third obstruction to happiness is material development. Development materially does not bring happiness. For example, the expansion of road networks harms the environment. Wanting happiness is not about doing away with desire, but about being self-contained. Self-reliance does not mean economic self-reliance alone. It is individual self-satisfaction, mental self-realization. You are poor because you think you are poor, or because you cannot save what you get. What do riches and position do for a life? It is just a psyche. The basic way of living a life is enough to be happy. There are many clutches to be freed—hindrances to our happiness. You want things, and it is okay to want things and to want to succeed, but tell yourself that you will be happy even without them.

Development like technology and media instead brings more depression. For example, you tend to imitate movies, which are reflections but not real life. You hunt for a movie-like life and feel depressed when you cannot achieve it. Development pushes you further away from life. Social media like Facebook brings more harm. It not only erodes human values like love, relationship, and ethics, but it also kills a lot of time. At a New Year's riverside family gathering, I saw a man engaged with his laptop on Facebook the entire day. His family connection was completely lost. Family concerns were given no importance.

Happiness is Also Good Relationship

Happy wife, happy life—or happy husband, happy life. A virtuous relationship, a good sex life, good understanding—these make a happy life. They are basic sources of happiness at times. Good relations include not only your family but also everything that surrounds you: your dog or animals, your home, your kitchen garden, your friends, your neighbors, your environment—everything around you.

Worry about your own family, your own sons and daughters at home, rather than worrying about the Darfur war or Somalia's hunger. You worry so much more about the outside than your inside world, bringing unhappy pictures into your life, to your spouse, to your family. You watch more programs on television than you watch your family or neighbor. You talk more about the world's problems than your own family matters or matters with your neighbor. You barricade your neighbor with a wall. You bother more about other buildings than your own. You don't know your next-door people. You create such an awkward environment where you live. The world has fallen apart. City life is fast sweeping into rural country. You compare so much: you compare your spouse with another, you compare your relationship with others', you compare your children with movies or some other "best" children, you compare life as a whole. You live in a world of comparison, and when you compare, you compare what is not in you. Sometimes, being self-righteous, being individualistic, and being contained are the true ways of living.

The GNH Pillars Themselves

The Gross National Happiness pillars themselves are obvious manifestations of immeasurable deterrence to happiness. To bring equitable and equal socio-economic development, sacrifices must be made to the environment, culture, and spiritual heritage. Equal economic development is not attainable—not even fair equality—if these pillars are strictly followed. For equality to exist, your mind must first be tamed. The preservation and promotion of cultural and spiritual heritage only help you go backward to the primitive. And they cannot be barred. Imported cultures make you happier and give you a sense of development and belonging. How many of you don't like to watch Hollywood movies? How many of you like to impress others with a typical foreign accent? How many of you don't want to pursue Western education? How many of you still want to read Kanjur and Tenjur in your room? How many of you want to adopt and change? The questions continue, and these questions are not recipes for happiness, but rather pillars to a happy life. The Countess of Blessington says, "There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness." It is true.

You cannot be taught values, aesthetics, and spiritual traditions—the so-called pillars of happiness. They must be practiced on your own.

You cannot say governance is good governance. Your good governance will be another's bad government. Government and bureaucracy comprise many antagonistic characters and sinecure workers. The so-called upholders of rules and regulations are themselves perpetrators in the country. Recent political parties bray out false promises to woo voters. For example, the Druk Phuensum Tshogpa's prime minister asking unashamedly for kidu (royal benefaction) of Prado cars for themselves from the King is inappropriate. Kidu is only meant for the unfortunate poor. Is this good governance? On the pretext of keeping old customs and traditions, there is much corruption, nepotism, and sycophancy.

To have good governance, people work to the maximum trying to achieve it. A very bad life has to be lived to gain good governance. Tough National Assembly discussions project an image of governance. Civil rights movements, anti-corruption moves, fraternity, and equality are all sores of the human desire to change the system without changing themselves.

So What is Happiness?

The precept of happiness is being kind, loving, and true to yourself. In other words, it is self-loving, self-kindness, self-forgiveness, self-preserving, self-protection, and non-self-judgment. You need love and appreciation. But you cannot find them in others. You find them in yourself. You make yourself happy. Only then can you please others. Do first what pleases you without harming others. Build empathy and compassion within yourself, and this can ultimately lead to self-satisfaction, fearlessness, confidence, and strength against any other account.

So, happiness is no hue and cry about GNH parameters, religious dogmas, the outside world, comparison, or imaginary beliefs. It is simply the basic, necessary life of your own.

Bertrand Russell says in his book The Conquest of Happiness:

"A man who has once perceived, however temporarily and however briefly, what makes the greatness of a soul can no longer be happy if he allows himself to be petty, self-seeking, troubled by trivial misfortunes, dreading what fate may have in store for him. The man capable of the greatness of soul will open wide the windows of his mind, letting the winds blow freely upon it from every portion of the universe."

Note: This article is not entirely baseless; it is quite analytical. It is not so well researched but has argumentative aspects. The writer's view does not go against any individuals, sects, or the government, nor does it challenge any facts. But it is a personal defiance of the concepts described. The essay will be continued soon.

“If with a pure mind you speak or act, then happiness  follows you as a shadow that never departs.” (The Buddha)

A Car Named Desire

Are you a mobile gadgets freak?  Do you change your mobile frequently?  How many mobiles do you have? Are some questions many people are asking these days.

Nobody would deny that this is an electronic age. We are living here. There are a lot of new things which have made our life so easy. Mobile phone is one of them which can be seen as the most used in the present-day phenomenon and in this fast-growing time. The mobile phone is a revolutionary step in the field of telecommunication.

Now there are many branded mobiles for people. There are different varieties of Nokia, you have Samsung, 

you have a blackberry, and you have iPhones - iPhone five-the latest.

Last time, my friend bought an iphone4, which was quite expensive but utterly useless to me, though it has so many facilities. I am not a kind of mobile freak. I don’t really like mobiles. We must remember this: Using cell phones too much is harmful to human health and can increase the risk of brain cancer. Not only that it harm eyes. There were many times, I didn’t even carry a mobile. Simple Nokia is enough for me. I can call with it anywhere around the world like apple phones with my Nokia. I have my laptop to use all facilities like mobile. Why need two when one is all that enough. Human desire is unlimited. The quick drop of an iPhone on the ground burns a year’s saving. Likewise, I never liked gold, silver, or whatever. Women love gold and jewelry. Human desire will go on if one never learns to cease. I never understand what the rationale behind people wearing gold is. There is no rationale as such for liking something and there is no reason to love; we simply love and like. I like cars; a very elegant and rich-looking cars. The car I bought in 2008, Hyundai Getz GVS was one of the nicest cars in that period but now it’s obsolete.

I love cars, but my Getz has bombarded; it has become quite expensive both in terms of fuel and maintenance. It’s now six years and I think I have fed him gallows of fuel. I was trying to sell him but it was difficult with new and cheap cars coming in. I like to buy a good BMW or Mercedes Ben, and for this, I think my family would have to have a piece of rice every meal. I wouldn’t do such a thing for personal desire, for personal happiness, for personal gains, etc. Now a thing is not only a thing. There are other things which mean a lot. One cannot deny the change in life with the change of time but when this change is over-exposed I think it’s pollution. I realize now that we must balance these two phenomena in order to create a healthy world.

My Getz GVS

Songing Heart

The best music touches deep into our hearts. It keeps alive—and kicks—the sorrows and depressions of life. Sometimes it kicks a little too hard, but that's what friends and volume buttons are for.

I love blues music. Real blues songs—the kind that feels like a warm hug from a sad person. Sentimental and jazzy. Pure music: no hip-hop, no big bang, no sharp pop that hurts my aging ears. I am a simple guy who came from an "Aamo Chi lay" backdrop. That's village talk for "I used to chase chickens for fun."

But to be frank, some music didn't fascinate me. It sounded like two people talking over each other at a busy tea shop. Back in the 1990s, radio was the main source of music. I knew all the timings of radio shows—BBS, AIR, VOI, BBC, Shillong broadcast, and others. I had a mental schedule more accurate than a train timetable. Then, my brother gave me his tape recorder. That was life-changing. I started buying audio cassettes and listening until the batteries gave up—usually right in the middle of the best song. Elton John, Savage Garden, Ronan Keating—the list goes on.

I also love singing. I used to pick up my bass guitar and rock on the stage, most of the time unprepared. I vividly remember singing "Tears in Heaven" for my late brother, Sonam, as well as "If Tomorrow Never Comes" and others. But now, I sing in the toilet. Nobody would listen to a husky old voice these days.

It's ME, singing "If Tomorrow Never Comes." Tomorrow comes if you believe...

So I have listened to most English songs worth listening to. The Beatles—"Let It Be" is one of my favorites. The Eagles' "Love Will Keep Us Alive" (spoiler: it does, but tea helps too). George Michael's "Careless Whisper" (I still can't play the sax solo, but I try—in my head). Bryan Adams, The Police, Celine Dion (yes, I admit it), the Spice Girls (tell me you didn't zig-a-zig-ah), Mariah Carey (I can't hit those notes, but neither can anyone else), Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called to Say I Love You" (he called. I listened.), Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" (I feel raised, then immediately lowered when I try to sing along), Elton John, Savage Garden, Ronan Keating, the Backstreet Boys—I could go on, but you get the idea. I was musically fed.

I also love singing. I used to pick up my bass guitar and rock on stage—most of the time unprepared. That's called "confidence"—or poor planning. I vividly remember singing "Tears in Heaven" for my late brother, Sonam, and "If Tomorrow Never Comes" for... well, just in case.

But now? Now I sing in the toilet. Nobody wants to hear a husky old voice these days. The walls don't complain. The mirror doesn't judge. The toilet tank even provides a little reverb. It's my concert hall now—small, private, and well-ventilated. So yes, it's ME, singing "If Tomorrow Never Comes." Tomorrow comes if you believe. And if you don't, it comes anyway—just with more bills.

I remember the first album I bought was by Modern Talking. Their songs still keep me high and alive today. This German duo is my favorite. Don't laugh. They were kings of synthpop before you were born. Songs like "You Can Win If You Want," "You're My Heart, You're My Soul," "Cheri Cheri Lady," "Brother Louie," and "Give Me Peace of Love" still keep me mesmerized and humming—sometimes in the shower, sometimes in traffic, sometimes during staff meetings (silently, of course).

They are the best songs I have ever had in my life. The song "You Can Win If You Want" keeps me moving forward. Whenever life pushes me down, I hear that synth intro in my head and suddenly feel like I can conquer the world—or at least finish my grading. I think this song is a story about our lives: the journey we make where nobody knows the destination. Try listening to them. They are the best—though yes, a little bit synthpop, a little bit cheesy, a little bit 1980s haircut. But it's worthwhile and melodious. Their music teaches so many good things about life: empathy, love, care—and quite heart-rendering songs, as I call them (they render my heart useless for hours).

I often listen now and cry out, remembering my past days. The good ones. The bad ones. The ones where I had hair. Modern Talking still talks to me. And I answer—usually off-key, usually in the toilet, but always from the heart.

Modern Talking (google images)

The Bad Things of Good Things-a story

"Ask! Ask if you don't know. Inquire, if you want to know. Ask Zangpo why I drink so much. Zangpo knows all. He sees what I see. He does what I do. He cares for me like nobody else."

Once upon a time, flowers bloomed. But the fruits fell before anyone could pick them. No one could eat. Hope and desperation hung in the empty spaces. Everyone was left alone.

Alone. That is how I was then, and how I am now. I need to survive. But how will I survive when I have given part of my heart and my life away? It takes a long time to mend a life that was once so full. My broken heart sinks and cuts like a knife. Why did you do such things? Our friendship was pretentious all along. "Rich friends have rich hearts of love"—that sounds foolish to me now. I see clearly now that you only showed me the duplicity of friendship.

"Birds of the same feather flock together." I read that in seventh standard. So it was with Pasang (name changed) and me. We became fast friends in a distant school in the capital. Similarities attract each other. We were both silent. We were both away from home for the first time. We had innocent parents who trusted us.

As the days moved, I observed that Pasang was too conservative, hardworking, divinely religious, and self-praising. He did not drink any kind of liquor and had the best habit of always volunteering to be class captain or something similar. In this sense, I was quite different. I was always a silent observer. Sometimes I sneaked out of class and drank alone in melancholy moods.

As days and months passed, other classmates regarded us as close friends. So the chance of making other friends became less. You can't befriend everyone in school. If you do, you have no true friends. That happens in school life. You cannot befriend time itself.

The seeds of our friendship were planted spontaneously. Our surroundings said so. We shared food. We studied together—sometimes at my house, occasionally at his. I believed we had become true friends. He was our volunteered captain. We were in a different class then. Many of his classmates cursed him for being so authoritarian, and they refused to have him as captain the next month. I guessed he lost that future chance.

Life rolled on. Youth is the age of rupture. Everything ruptured in no time.

After two years, we were again together at NIE, Samtse, as training mates. He was different then. I had always considered him a friend—anywhere, everywhere, whatever I did. But he was quite different. He ignored me simply. I didn't mind much at first. As the days passed, he began to win respect from elders and lecturers by polishing their shoes and volunteering for them. He volunteered to be a house counselor in the first year. The story was the same: many classmates hated him for being authoritative and using his power wickedly. I always thought he was a bad leader and a bad counselor.

Our friendship became so thin that whenever we met, he talked little or ignored me. Like flower petals falling one by one, our bonds broke one by one. Still, I thought he would help me when I needed him. The truth was, I was under him in his house captainship, and he made me do SUPW work right in front of his eyes. I didn't mind it so much.

Then came the beginning of the death of our friendship. I remember it vividly. I took this incident very seriously—what he did to me that day. Without any reason, he turned against me completely.

It happened on the NIE football field. He was one of the judges of the football match—such a sycophantic person. He threatened to make me the ball retriever. If I refused, he would report me to his other sycophant lecturer, and that would create enough problems to make me lose marks. The ball retriever's job was to get the ball when it went outside. Taking part in games and sports as a ball catcher meant marks to pass our course.

Half the match was over. Resting time. I was about to sit on the empty chair near him. And what he said next I will never forget—and never forgive: "Go, don't sit here, ball boy. Go there." He pointed to the sewage drain. It wasn't even his chair. Ball boys sometimes sat there. I remained silent and sat on the muddy-smelling tank. It wouldn't have been so shameful if not for the crowd of girls who had heard him and were looking at me with pity—or worse, disgust. I had never had a single girl in my life. My face would burn if I ever talked to one. The match started again. I went to talk to him, but he was damned.

The match ended. The players came for refreshments. They brought out fruity juice. The juice distributor was about to give me a bottle, but Pasang came and snatched it away. Then he turned his back and announced to all the players and judges to drink every single bottle. I tried to say something in a comical way to lighten the matter, but he was damned. At that moment, I couldn't resist. I was about to hit my best friend. But I controlled myself.

I was deeply ashamed. What wrong had I done to my true friend? I couldn't understand. Behind the curtain, I knew something was in his mind—something that made him hate me so much. I asked myself: real friends don't exploit or ridicule each other in front of others.

Now I know: some people are like dry leaves. They fall without any use to their own tree. They move here and there for a while, then get blown away, unseen from the mother tree. So are many of our friends.

That was the last thing I ever wanted to see or hear from him.

Five years later, I wished for the dearest death. That devil-minded friend lost his wife. He had loved her so deeply. She ran into the jungle and hanged herself.

A few months later, I received a devastating letter. I did not look at it with surprise.

"Why did no one tell me? It has become clear now that you, my best friend, kept me going all these years. I lost my wife because I was mindless. I treated her like I treated you, Zangpo. Now I drink my life away."

There was little satisfaction in my mind that he still remembered those bad days. I replied to him: "In life, we remember only bad things. Let's try to forget those bad happenings and remember the good things instead."

I hoped this small, universal lesson would help him.

But deep down, I knew—some friendships are not meant to be nurtured. Not with selfish people. Not with those who drain you, shame you, and only remember you when their world falls apart.

Note: The above article is a somewhat true story of the author's life, though some details have been truncated for the brevity of the story.