Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, October 2, 2015

The Chick

(Readers' restriction: The humor below is only for the mature group as it contents some offensive terms, and the writing does not necessary propagate nor it’s propaganda or blame any language or so). Note: I had posted this same article somewhere in 2012. I find quite funny. And it was true incident.

Born and brought up in Eastern Bhutan, and the only language I knew was Sharchokpa. I always wanted to learn others' languages. And Lhotsampa being a quite popular, I was quite excited to learn. In class IV, Bishnu Kafley was my Lhotsampa friend(and we had been friend for many years, till we graduated class eight, and we lost each other…hope, we will meet one fine day, and I will surprise him with his language). In those times, I didn’t know his language, and nor did he know my language. So, we spoke headless-legless-English. ‘Come,’ ‘go,’ ‘eat,’ ‘play,’ with various body languages.

As the chick becomes cock, I graduated from the Samtse College of Education. By then, I could speak here and there Lhotsampakha. My first posting was in Tsirangtoe Lower Secondary School, Tsirang in 2005. It was both fortunate and unfortunate; fortunate; for I was there in the place where the majority of population were Lhotsampas, and unfortunate; to live in the remote windy, damply place. Anyway, I was eager to learn their language if not, master some words and semantics orders. Great!

My students always knock me out, and they do even in my sleep now; with their beguiling faces, naughty-dirty faces, and rough-murky behaviors, wake me up.

That was the class, probably my third class, and the third chapter. And I have jumped two chapters as to start with the easiest one - that was the domestic animals. Being a geography teacher, I taught geography. We talked about domestic animals. I asked them to name some animals, and, which they did one by one. I wanted to go little further; animals and their young ones (a teacher always adds something more on the topic, and that adds the teacher’s persona and his high erudition!).
‘Cow-calf, pig-piglet, horse-foal, chicken-chick and others.’ I said.
The students gave a sudden laugh.
‘Chick,’ I told them sensing funny.
Their laughter continued.
‘Chick,’ I repeated playfully, but loudly.
By then, there was a few laughter and girls begin to bend their heads.
‘What is fun with chick? You know chick?’ I asked seriously.
‘We know sir,’ the faint voice shot up.
‘Sir, it’s a dirty word,’ a student said.
‘What is it? I want also to learn.’
‘Not in the class sir,’ the captain in the class said.

I asked the captain after the class.
‘It means sleeping together, and having sex together sir,’ he shyly, decently and indirectly told me.

I never thought I would go to that extend. It literally means f**k. I didn’t go to that class for three days. And chick was to be strictly checked, I promised them. My impatience to learn the Lhotsampa language certainly wanes from the day.

Friday, May 10, 2013

English Sounds/Meanings

The cat is on the mat
But the man on the mat said,
The mat is on the cat.

The hat is on the mat
But the man on the mat said,
The mat is on the hat.

The bat is on the mat
But the man on the mat said,
The mat is on the bat.
I bet these will make me mad
If it was not a dream.

What is the difference in sounds?
What is the difference in meanings?

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Three Cunning Men

This is a very humorous short story told by my mother when I was a kid. I think many of us have heard it before. Though the story is very popular I have not seen any written record in any languages. I have roughly reproduced the story here.

Three men; Threadlike neck, Scrawny chest and Lanky leg, decided to go for a picnic. They clear-cut that no one should know about their secret plan for the picnic.

So, one day, they went inside the big forest.

Lunch soon was made readied by all of them. It appeared very luscious and every one of them was keen to taste first.

Let me see, if the salt is all right, thus voiced Threadlike neck. The Threadlike neck frisked for a large portion of meat and gulped, but rather a bone. The bone got stuck in his threadlike throat, and soon succumbed to death.

The next man, Scrawny chest called out to his friend, Now, only, two of us are here to eat this tasty quantity, and he slapped his hand hard and fast on his chest, and his scrawny ribs splintered and he also soon die.

Now the third man, Lanky leg, discerning he was the only one to eat. Happiness knew no bound. He jumped and pranced shouting, Me, only me. But his lanky leg couldnt take in his dancing, broke and die.

Thus, the story of three cunning mens meals was left to birds and animals in the forest.

The story teaches us good many lessons. One such is below:

Braggart, enviousness and meanness are the garbage for the foolish men.


Monday, December 17, 2012

Classmates: Who is? Who is Not?

From Right: Omar Esmail, Azad, Rizgar, Me, Deepan, Sabin, Kamal, Omar, Senior(Elizabeth), Bejeta, Madam Mamta, Madam Chitra

(The article below is the views and personal expressions of author, and it maynot be always true. They are very far observation of the author and doesn’t intend to hurt anyone explicitly or implicitly, especially some of our best friends).

Azad has an A-plus height
And if he ever happened to be in army
He would be the first one to die
Because an enemy would see him gangling from afar
(Sorry Azad, you are the best guy):
Except for attending class often is an admitting Achilles heel.

Bejeta is a backdrop of topical blazon
Catty is the way she barks
She can be sometimes haughty
There is something she believes it not,
Not even to good boys, I don’t know why
If you ask me.

C, there is no ‘C’ name in the class
So, I have a good chance to write;
Write about the common things about the class
But there is no common thing as such in the class
All things are uncommon
And you cannot describe as such.

Deepa is a difficult girl to deal with
I often see her serious
Minding her business
A kind of deliriously dolorous
Look at her eyes
You will know she is burning her midnight oil.

Here comes deadly huge Dildar
I’m always scared of him;
That one day he would box me
And I wonder, if Mr. Doc could fix my bones
But Dildar wouldn’t do such things
He is the most delightful and dependable person
He wouldn’t tell a lie, if everyone does to me.

E, there is no ‘E’ name I ever heard from the class
I don’t want to show my ego
By writing that everyone doesn’t like
But the fact is; there is someone with ego amongst us.

And here comes ‘F,’ the failure
The thought of it shakes with fright
To fight with failure is to study only
There are some who fight tough
But still flunk.

G, when I think of ‘G,’ only one thing comes to my mind
The great shakers of boys
The girls, of course
There are four girls in the class
I think some love lady Gaga too much
Or some the latest Gangnam style.

H, is a humbling class
But sometimes it becomes a horrible humdrum
Because of some students picking holes in uselessly
I think some of us badly need hemlock.
I have no say, everyone has hundred % rights.

And here comes ‘I,’ everyone is ‘I,’ individual
I is ill-fated students taught by ill-equipped lecturers
And I can imagine a kind of ill-assorted future for all of us.

J, what a jerk?
Keep eyes on some jabbering jerks
They believe, they are jack of all trades
But, when it comes to doing something
They are empty jars. Move on…

To ‘K.’
Kamal presence is very much necessary in the kangaroo court
The class would go wild with him
The lecturers would give half of the class
And other half would be his
And Dildar would close his eyes and ears tight.
Such a loquacious man
Who loves a killer looks?

And I personally is interested to add something to this K
There are some students as small as kids
And they do everything;
Killjoys; kickers, kissers,
And kudos, I am not that good in either of these things.

L, I will be very laconic here;
As some people only think of love
And have lachrymal in their eyes
I doubt someone is a ladyboy from the class.

M, yes, Mohamein is a small mombati in the class
He would attend a week less class in a semester
And he would easily pass
I ‘m a fan of him
I 'll try follow his absenteeism from next semester.

N is for Najiba, a nice woman
Needless to say, she would do her needful
Who would have forgotten to nag,
and drag the whole class like some.
Believe me; she is unbelievably logical and true.

Oh, here is O…Omar, a tough guy to take into consideration
The future onus of PM of the country falls to him
When he hasn’t have even odd job now
Some day, someone will write an ode about him, I guess
But for now he treats class like an open market
And moves off and on, out.

You know, we have two Omars, making Omar square
And this one is Omar esmail, whose action speaks louder than words
He would throw his hands hard like playing coins
And he opines and oscillates on his opinions
He would say, “Hi Sabin” for many times till Sabin would be fully tired replying
Then he would sit
And poke his opinions and move out, outside.

P, here I got to play with some words again
P is Penjor, one of my colleague teachers in Bhutan
He pokes his nose everywhere;
In the playground, in clubs, in dancing, with ladies, with boys, in meetings, in eating,
Everywhere, he seems really versatile, but not so as you have thought
He blacks his face everywhere, so he would be in everyone’s black books
You know what everyone silently called him;
 “Phallus Penjor,” is what they shout from behind the mountain.

Q, let me not quack here more
And move quickly to R
And this R is quite interesting to read.

Rizgar is a rabble-rouser
Who seems to run the race faster than others?
What a rack? He thinks he knows everything
And comes to the class without anything, not even a pen.
God forbids, alas! He flunks acheo!
I like your funny rags.

Saacha is me, a sophisticated guy
I sometimes cannot understand myself.
I wonder sometimes whether I am on Mars or Earth
And the worse, I have four balls
And this is why I believed that I am an alien.

Here is another S, not me, it’s Sabin
Sabin is always on travel, with her sachet
Ready to move, move from the tedious class
I think Saturday is her best day.
She maybe physically little sore
But I think her heart is as white as Maida flour
She has been looking for a boyfriend
Just like me looking for a girlfriend.

And here is another S.
The greatest news for letter S is that
Is that…the highest number of names begin with S in the world.
So is it, who cares?
Srinath presence doesn’t make much hues or cries
He is a dead log
He comes and goes like a wounded dog
He tries out hesitatingly to poked out
But lecturers hectoring would trim him nowhere. Pity na.

T, now it’s time to say Tata.
No.  Where are U, V, W, X, Y, Z?
They are in the above line
No need to talk about Umbrella, Virgin, Xanadu,
 because after Y, there comes Z, Zamindar, who would come and collect all money for reading this Zany article.