My Son

My son Pema

Is a bouncing boy

He calls himself Rama

And makes Him as a toy.

His full name is Pema Tashi

He likes being called different names as Dorji

He makes the fuss of not naming him Yeshi

Better his father's last name Dorji.

I tell him his name is just a name

Don’t make on it such a nonsense flame

It’s not where you came

But you can make good fame.

His only aim is to be a truck driver

And many a trucks he brings and breaks

To be thrown down in the nearby river

He questions me, 'Is the real truck that much weak?'

He calls me Tom and himself Jerry

He calls me Eon and himself Ben Ten

We bet for the team was in a hurry

And he smacks me till I got beaten.

We are like Kenchosum, we are three;

My wife and I do everything for his happiness

For he is the only fruit in the tree

Let him be anyone for the human goodness.

Nothing

He has nothing today

Nothing exactly

And nothing more

And nothingness enshrouds him

And nothing is worthwhile

Nothing

There is nothing as such;

The sound of rustling

And nothing more

Mute, deaf, dumb and numbed, nothing

Not even a palpitation

Nothing

There is nothing in life

He is gone today

Leaving the life

Hopes, dreams and wishes all death

Nothingness is all he has

Nothing

Nothing will last to the end

It’s as empty

 as useless as

A smile a minute ago

Shifts into tears

 Nothing

The world is nothing to him;

Cannot hold, cannot play, cannot secure

It’s all nothing

As he is nothing

And everything has become nothing

All and nothingness is all that’s alive

And triumphs over something

Nothing is what his life has become now

His dreams lying cold and dead on the ground.

Who DOESN’T Try?

Time to time we get demoralized by people who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth and have everything from birth. From time to time we get demoralized by people who have achieved success to their great height without doing much. From time to time we get demoralized by people who have lots of capabilities to do everything but are left in the dust.  From time to time we get demoralized by people who have lots of love but are betrayed by the same love.  Everything is unequal and George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ book rightly says, “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.”

Anyways, life is not all about comparison.  I am not so. I look for a place or path where I can have enough space to stay or walk on. That is it. A plate of rice is enough for me.

Life will change, I thought when I was a boy, but as I realize now, it is just the beginning of overcoming trials and tribulations of life.

I cared so very much about the fruits, not about how a tree is nurtured and taken care of, and when I jump to get the fruits from an un-nurtured tree, the qualities of fruits are very dreadfully small.

Life is trying and trying and even more trying, not axing the dreams. It’s trying. I tried to do many things in my life but most of all failed and over again. I tried to work hard to reach the target I had thought but my work hung in the vacuum of nowhere; anyone hardly recognized my toils or was it an unreachable fate in my life. I tried to write but it faltered devastatingly. I am ever trying, I was hurt but I move on but the bad parts shape me into a better person as I continue to move in life. I tried liking my job but others didn’t like it the way I did work; without knowing anything, it was a fagging also. I tried to fulfill my parent's expectations but it’s putting me off to the future. They were the ones to fulfill my expectations. I tried to mask happiness but the internal force was more powerful, I am a victim of it. I tried very many alternatives to bring my life to my satisfaction, but every trying is as useless as not trying at all. The more I try, the more I have worries that anguish my problems further. The more problems I encounter the more solutions I try to find. But the solutions are far hidden behind the mountains.

God forbid me not, from not trying; I will keep on trying… I say this because when everything fails, in the end, one hope keeps me kicking; knowing that I have my family to embrace me and show me that there is still love around me. So I will keep on trying. I am not an escapee. I can’t give up easily…BUT what can I try now?
Anyways, hope keeps waking up.

And this story keeps me there is something in life; the artificially-kind of real that we need to display to live our lives forth. Here is a story: A man bought 12 flowers. 11 real and 1 fake. He said, "I will love you until the last flower dies."

And this is the irony of life; to fake and live or to live and fake.

Bad Luck

Now and then, bad luck can shame you

And make you gloomy;

The hurt in the heart bemuses and frustrates

Everything you carry out will be of desperation,

The other lot will have some criticism,

Everywhere; some bending and harassment,

Face pulls down and

Mouth shut!

All over, your act will be defective.

Everywhere you wrong;

And infects others!

 The grave is your place-

Whatever you attain or find

Turns out to be meaningless

All endeavors turn to nothing

One way or other, your people hurt you,

They go off beam,

Splitting the same smash-up.

Why do these come about erratically?

To stick with for a week or two

Every walk you walk,

Every talk you talk

Will diffuse your face

Nothing counts.

All gone astray to be dishonored;

Those push down your days

You bear wary.

When bad luck comes slithering

You’re in the chasm of omission

Nobody heeds

And nobody you can take care.

At this time, you think and think

But of all wrongs

Nothing hit!

Your world turns sinister

You cringe your mind - thick

And think

But your hurts multiply in the heart,

The thing that never will imagine beyond,

At this point, you must be more cautious and con­scious.

A Noiseless, Patient Spider

A Noiseless, Patient Spider

                                                                  -Walt Whitman

A noiseless, patient spider,
I mark’d where on a little promontory it stood isolated,
Mark’d how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament out of itself,
Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you, O my soul, where you stand,
Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them,
Till the bridge you will need be form’d, till the ductile anchor hold,
Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.

 

The above poem is one of my favorite poems. The poem is short but it has multi-faceted meanings. The poem describes a spider, which is noiseless, patient, and isolated (bother less) and it works on its web. It’s doing the most uncertain part of hard work: trying to shoot out lots of little filaments ceaselessly, patiently and tirelessly, and trying to get one of them to stick to something.  We too ceaselessly muse, venture, and seek all of our lives to achieve the height of enlightenment; trying to find the meaning of life, but we get obstructed, tired, bogged down and bothered so much by the world that surrounds us. We must learn all kinds of super-perseverance from this creepy creature.

 

This poem is not only about a spider; Whitman tells us that spider is a metaphor for the human soul, which also explores and tries to connect. Whitman describes the vulnerability of the soul in this vast realm of existence. He tries to find ways to accommodate the soul and find a place for it amongst the rest of the soul-filled world, hence the bit about venturing, seeking, and connecting in this measureless ocean of space. With the use of lots of imagery and figure of speech (metaphor), it portrays a deeper human emotion.

 

The poem is about hard work, exploration, spirituality and the man and the natural world. 

 

Dzongkha Lopens

One of the weird kinds of people that we encounter in our life is our Dzongkha Lopens. They have a typical way of misbehaving and dealing with people. And they tease girls like anything! And happy would be if female Dzongkha lopens behave such to boys. But I tell you, they are timidly naughty too. Though looked at as the upholder of good ethics and discipliners in the school, they themselves are utterly breakers of all these. Their disorderliness and unruliness are the order of the day. They seem to be acting very strict; smack or beat students but they are not really so; I say this now with regret (I would have climbed on their heads if I had known in my school days). Their personalities can be the worst of any humankind sometimes. They sometimes think they are the only people around.

I was disciplined by so many of my Dzongkha Lopens. One Lopen in Pemagatshel Jr. School was known as Lopen Goenpo Lhudrup (nicknamed), cause he used to tell us the story of Goenpo Lhudrup every time. The story interested us so much so that we felt almost sleepy in the class. Lopen Goenpo Lhudrup had a habit of drinking and coming to the class. He, in his drunken, sleepy state used to ask us to pluck his beard from his face. The smell of alcohol made us depleted in the class.  We were not as stupid as Goenpo Lhudrup had thought; some of us took out the sharpest pins from our Lhagay and pierced on Lopen’s chin. The Lopen stood up grunting. Tiny blood oozed from his face. Stunned, he would go.

For that whole year, the Lopen didn’t ask the class to pluck his hair from his face.

Lopens, especially Dzongkah Lopens are heavy drinker. Lopen X in Darla MSS (name withheld) revolves his life around drinks and women. Lopens are usually not good womanizers but indisputably good in drinking. They don’t have a patient to pour sweet talks and wait; they just jump into conclusion with many contacts on forbidden parts of the body. But this Mr. X, once he drinks, he becomes wild. There is no word as shame in his dictionary. He speaks around in whatever he likes. He moves around carefree. He dances on the stage -less stage. He becomes one and he thinks he dominates the world. Such is the height of his sense.

One day, I asked him why he was so desperate that made him behave like dog. The response Mr.X gave was even worse than a dog’s barking. It was somewhat like a cat’s meowing. “Don’t just catch rats.” He said. I guessed what he really meant to say, it would certainly mean that one should do everything in life. The cat must not sleep hush near the fire and wait for rats. The cat must behave like a mouse, like a bird, move around the holes. That was absolutely true. Mr. X was right.

With the change of time, our Lopens have changed a great deal. Lopens, who are supposedly responsible and are exponents of Dzongkha language, have become fans of the English language. The twists of their mouths and producing different accents make English more popular in school than Dzongkha. I have seen Mr. X communicating and making fun of his English accent right from the morning with colleagues. In this way, Dzongkha is forgotten by our own Dzongkha Lopens. I remember Lopens translating almost everything in English to make his lesson understand better, and it seems like giving more importance to English.

Our Dzongkha Development Commission (DDC) has done nothing to upgrade Dzongkha. English enthusiast Dzongkha Lopens will one day speak Dzonglish - a mixture of Dzongkha and English. DDC must promote Dzongkha learning through fun ways. It should let loose of its fixed phonologies, words, grammar, etc, and make it easier like English. Our Dzongkha Lopens are sometimes tough on silly little mistakes. It demotivates learners so much. Mr. X has only one particular word for maize as ‘Gayza,’ limiting vocabulary. Why not ‘a:shome?’

Note: The above article is the memories and observation of the author and doesn’t intend to hurt anyone implicitly or explicitly, especially some of our dedicate Lopens.

Atheist Or Pantheist

Our class is supposed to start two weeks ago but as many friends are coming late, very late indeed, there was no class for these two weeks. So I have been doing nothing productive in this period. I have been sleeping, watching movies, writing, and downloading notes for the semester. And most of the time, I have been roving and wandering around. But where can I go; everywhere I go, traffic noises dumb and dump me at times. In a place like Majestic, Bangalore, there is nothing as such as majestic in the Majestic, but the continuous drone of traffic and noises. Everywhere. Though, malls are fascinated to do lots of window shopping.

Majestic is the place away from my place. It is about a distance between Gedu and Phuntsholing. It is the center of all routes; buses, trains and people. Transport facilities are all available here; buses, rikshas/autos, jeeps, cars, and soon metro train is in the pipeline. But of all, bus transportation is a very cheap and reliable one, though; it takes more than two or more hours to reach Majestic. The fare is only rs.13 and if you don’t have change and have to give rs.20; there is a possibility that the conductor would write balance on the reverse side of the ticket, and if you don’t ask for the balance while getting down the bus, they wouldn’t bother to give. That is their business and you know my friend told me every single Indian is a cheater. So be it, if you have a loaded pocket.  On the way, because of traffic jams and frequent stops make one could see scenes around. And what could be the picture; the pollution and noises of vehicles. There are huge numbers of people everywhere, people walking, people eating, people working; everyone is busy. You would lose in the crowd.

As I walked around, I looked around and thought about life. Everything is ephemeral and subject to death. The transitory life is moving fast, seemingly purposeful but everything is meaningless. It is empty and as useless as life. Everyone aims to the aimless, hollow things, at last. It looks like everything has great weight and meaning but we are like having no effect on the substantial things. It saddens me and saddens me to think about leaving the world. Where is a more cruel life than this? Having seen and known everything and then go to the unknown world of darkness.

I recite mantras and counts are on to millions. It was said that there is a light side after death if the count reaches three or four millions. But note that I never pray for myself, I pray for others; others sentient beings, ignorant person like me to bring up close to the heaven. I believe in all religions. People sadly said that I am an atheist or follower of Christian or such types. It’s not good to talk about religion. It’s a personal thing anyway, I have a feeling. My own family accused me when I took very lightly to our religious beliefs, especially the customs and traditions of rituals, offerings, and the deep reverences to some of the fake Lamas and religious people. I told them one day that I hate monks. I have seen and heard monks engaging in deadly and horrific affairs like murder, rape, and other misconducts. They know the consequence of sins, and yet they do all these horrible things which are against the cannons and principles of religion. I have encountered a man who knows everything about religion and knows nothing about the basics of life; doing good and being good. Deep inside me, I, myself think sometimes that I have a heart of butter!! And a heart as good as gold. I have basic human rules in my mind. I have compassion and think good about others. I never engaged in unsocial or hurtful things. I mean good and doesn’t affect anyone. I have these two beliefs in my heart; being compassionate and doing good. I have no intention to hurt others through telling lies or working for the benefit of myself. I don’t like to show. There are outsiders, who act religiously outside and do for the benefit of themselves and don’t bother to care about others’ hearts. Very hurting man. Such a disguise to our religion.