A Car Named Desire

Are you a mobile gadgets freak?  Do you change your mobile frequently?  How many mobiles do you have? Are some questions many people are asking these days.

Nobody would deny that this is an electronic age. We are living here. There are a lot of new things which have made our life so easy. Mobile phone is one of them which can be seen as the most used in the present-day phenomenon and in this fast-growing time. The mobile phone is a revolutionary step in the field of telecommunication.

Now there are many branded mobiles for people. There are different varieties of Nokia, you have Samsung, 

you have a blackberry, and you have iPhones - iPhone five-the latest.

Last time, my friend bought an iphone4, which was quite expensive but utterly useless to me, though it has so many facilities. I am not a kind of mobile freak. I don’t really like mobiles. We must remember this: Using cell phones too much is harmful to human health and can increase the risk of brain cancer. Not only that it harm eyes. There were many times, I didn’t even carry a mobile. Simple Nokia is enough for me. I can call with it anywhere around the world like apple phones with my Nokia. I have my laptop to use all facilities like mobile. Why need two when one is all that enough. Human desire is unlimited. The quick drop of an iPhone on the ground burns a year’s saving. Likewise, I never liked gold, silver, or whatever. Women love gold and jewelry. Human desire will go on if one never learns to cease. I never understand what the rationale behind people wearing gold is. There is no rationale as such for liking something and there is no reason to love; we simply love and like. I like cars; a very elegant and rich-looking cars. The car I bought in 2008, Hyundai Getz GVS was one of the nicest cars in that period but now it’s obsolete.

I love cars, but my Getz has bombarded; it has become quite expensive both in terms of fuel and maintenance. It’s now six years and I think I have fed him gallows of fuel. I was trying to sell him but it was difficult with new and cheap cars coming in. I like to buy a good BMW or Mercedes Ben, and for this, I think my family would have to have a piece of rice every meal. I wouldn’t do such a thing for personal desire, for personal happiness, for personal gains, etc. Now a thing is not only a thing. There are other things which mean a lot. One cannot deny the change in life with the change of time but when this change is over-exposed I think it’s pollution. I realize now that we must balance these two phenomena in order to create a healthy world.

My Getz GVS

Hatred

Turning things over in my mind

And as I do more

I start to feel worse

The rustling sounds bring tears

Stirring my terrible memories

How can I turn away from the darkness of rough times?

My thought always ends up back at you

As your presence lurks everywhere around me

I simply hate today

Time to Wag Tails Politicians

Now the 2^nd term election is about a few months, people must have some qualifications of a right person in their minds. That’s good.  Bhutan was in the middle of an enigma in 2008. There were instances of choosing the wrong person. Or, was it because of the less choice?

I write this because I am reminded of a bad example of how our government can be irresponsible in choosing the right ministers for the Ministry. I am lifting an old example from The Journalist newspaper (13/6/10, on page 5),the confession made by Health Minister, Zanglay Drukpa.  He said to the paper, “I came with an open mind since I knew nothing about health.” I laughed at his frankness but at the same time felt ashamed.  From there on, I knew there was something artificial in the function of our system. There are many ‘hotch-potch Dashos’ like him. It is like the right person for the wrong job. There are scores of others in the present batch of the elected members who have joined the politics for the love of power and money. Some of them turned out to be worse than statues, stealthily, filling up their stomach. As they don’t speak a word in the National Assembly.  Some came out to be surviving with lip services and faked promises.

Bhutan didn’t know much of these would happen in the 1^st election. Now people know; there are talks in every small gathering and sorts like that about choosing a leader of good heart, responsible, capable, understanding, etc. Politicization is important, therefore. People must by now also know that the individual mustn’t decide the candidate, but, rather it is the responsibility of people coming together and deciding on their representative. Democracy is sometimes described as communities of people coming together, and it images many voices pouring into a unified whole. Democracy should permeate the world beyond politics, making itself felt in the ways people think, speak, work, fight, and even make forte.  No nepotism, no relations, no bribery, nothing, but selecting through collective decision would have a good leader. Because it’s for the greater goodness and well-being of the whole, not an individual.

Coming back to the right person, right job; the subject matter is very important; every job demands specialization in a specific subject. One cannot be a jack of all trades. An untrained person suddenly cannot declare as a carpenter. An educationist cannot become a doctor.  An accountant takes his/her profession because his/her profession is professional. But when it comes to society like ours, everyone wags tail in front of money( and barks back nonsensically to their own people) and the post, not necessarily thinking about their area and the outcome, which as a result becomes our government buoyant and susceptible, where everyone makes the bulb with no knowledge of it to light but nobody succeed.  Because of this, we had so many problems in Health Ministry, I think. This type of malfunction which pulls our nation shouldn’t be repeated as the society depends upon them. And in turn, they depend on society.

The Moon on My Bed

Silently, silently in the night

What am I doing?

So let down

Lying on my bed

I can only see the moon

Through my pan

You are far

It warms me

But now the moon has slowly moved behind the clouds

Leaving me alone, alone

Ascending darkness upon me

How can be the night?

No night, no night

No evening, no evening

It comes every time…

I am dying

Thinking of visions

The visions of you

on my bed

Show me the moon.

I can’t wake up in the morning

For this whole night I can’t sleep

And days have become my nights

What can be good?

What happened to me?

I have changed

Because of the lack of love

That you show to me.

Why Are You Reminded After a Long Time?

People say take stuff as it comes on the way; time is the only solution. I know this now! Sitting near the laptop, I feel like some flickering parts of my life have shattered and the darkness has ascended. A swamp of memories rush in upon me of long struggles; my afflictions, my wasted life, and my moments of loneliness. Now, I feel very hurt but I keep back those bad memories and thoughts to myself. A shameful consciousness of my own person harasses me. I see myself as clownish, the pitiable guy in a glimpse in the reflection. But I have learned to shake off myself free of it and continue to caress my life. And I question now, why I had been so different and hesitant?
               
It was an awful empty day. The days were the longest and saddest of my life. That wasn’t before she ditched me like a duster.

She was so incredibly stunning. Central of bait to many people like me, who had fallen and were victims of love. I played a little role in her life. She fooled me staying around all my life. I began to sink further into the bleak of silent love, the more I watched, the more I despised my weakness. She tormented my thinking; never let me into good slept, visions and images filled all around me.

There were many students I could name them, who looked physically fine looking to my eyes, but her history told me that she had never accepted any one of them. She was viewed as an extravagant girl.

What happened when one loves someone? It was a kind of ambivalent feeling; I both hated and loved her, what was more? She was charming and gracious. Love was nothing to do with wealth and fame or beauty. It would simply happen. Loving her would love everything if only I had her!

I wonder how these beautiful ladies react when they get too much attention and loving sweet smiles. How do they take in and feel with it? I guess, they would be flying high in the space. I knew some ladies simply stab it in the heart with a sweet poisoned knife, shattered green hearts, speak out the cruelest words, break hearts into pieces, and move away silently. And guys dissolve into unpredicted works; drinking, drugs, quarrellings, going mad, attempting suicide, and more unsay-able acts.

These were some of my reasons that made me petrified and regretful.

In the college, I would wait, however, timing the moment when I could pass her on the stairs and gulp, “Good morning.” And she would answer cheerfully, “Good morning.”
And that was all that ever passed between us.

Women are like empty pots, waiting for the fillers. They need three sweetening rubbish reasons to fill them and make feel wanted and happy.

Watching her everywhere, anyplace, anywhere, she would laugh with her friends, roam with many boyfriends. Her heaven walked the space she occupied. But she, yes She, the girl whom I loved so much was ignorant of my presence. “Does she know if someone loved her?” I often asked that. The refusal was the most horrible drug. In my thoughts, I would have done everything with her. Je ne sais quoi was she!

My tortured soul told me, “Hold her in now in arms and never let go.” But it wasn’t worth it. She must have a choice of her own, too. I was shilly-shallied.

“Will she makes a choice a man who he loves very much?” I wondered. At all cost, I was away from her until and unless she wanted to see me. If not, I would only suffer.




Two years later, she came to meet me. I saw her again, looking sadden and worried. My mouth was opened wide when she greeted me lovingly. I busted into a sly smile. My mind said, “How many years must she want to make me suffer? Anyway, all love never leads to married life. True, love lasts forever- as long as you find another true love.”

The karma might have, it did not come to me at that moment. When she put her hand on my shoulder and closed her eyes and asked, “Are you married?”
I couldn’t answer her. Although, my heart was brimming over with happiness. Just when I was wishing for it so much, she had come to me of her own accord.
It was the best and the worst thing happening in my life.
“Why?” I asked.
“He left me and he is dead now!”
“Somebody you were in love with?” I asked her dryly.
A wave of dull anger begun to gather at the back of my mind.
“Yes, a year back when he left me and home cause of some quarrals, on his way his car went off the road. I think he died because of me.”
Choking with some sobs, she was overcome by her emotions as she dropped down onto my knees.
Raged. A huge rush of thunderstorm raced in my blood.
“Will you kill me too? Do you think I’m a fool-spoiled brat? Do you think I’m your second man-to come and drive whenever you like?” I said into the voidness. She didn’t hear.

So she had had that romance in her life; a wealthy man died because of her sake. It pained to consider how poor a part I had played in her life. NO, not supposedly, it is the biggest role I played in her life.

The lady i had longed for so many years had vanished in just a second. On the other hand, her girlish beauty had almost gone. But my past feeling towards her cooled the thunderstorm raging inside. One by one, they all became shades, and then faded like the dying embers of the fire. Soon generous tears filled my eyes. “Did she know what am I going through all those longed years?”

I was modestly taken by love. It poisoned, most probably by her beautiy. I ask her happily, “Sorry, what can I do for you”.
“I knew you for so many years that you wish to live with me,” she said in a remote tone. “I am sorry I ignored you. But why didn’t you tell me the day you loved me?”
The last sentence seemed to hurt. “Only I was diffident and could not approach her lead to a story and a wasted life. I regretted.” It rang in my mind.
“Yes now, I shouldn’t refuse you, I need you. I should not blame you for it was the only love, Choden.”I told her.

Trembled and with a mixture air of delight and sadness, I stood close to her. She put her hands on my shoulder and at her sudden hug; I had fallen to her so easily.


But the story I never asked my wife now is about that wealthy lover who died for her sake. How long will it continue like this? In fact, to our very last breathe. Because if you dig the decayed stool, it smelled a lot.




Note: This story is a seemingly reflection of one of my friends and my own in some parts.