Happiness Redefined?

Zagpa NgAAR Nye Shigpa la ko....From FB.

Happiness Redefined?

A concept like happiness—or freedom—poses problems for definition. Abstract words like these are quite open to interpretation and have no single real-world referent. For some, happiness is based solely on being part of a loving family that is safe and well provided for. For others, happiness is rooted in material possessions or power. Although people may have quite different interpretations of such concepts, in our everyday conversations we seem content with a general understanding of meaning, accepting that any utterance is open to some variation depending on the person speaking.

Briefly, there are two types of happiness: temporary and permanent. But by all measures, happiness is transient. There is no such thing as permanent or absolute happiness. It is a feeling—or rather, a series of feelings—born from the loss of mental consciousness. Happiness is the accumulation of many good activities, through which your mind becomes engaged. These many good actions sustain a good life. Physical or external happiness brings internal happiness.

Why GNH is NOT Successful

Why are we not happy? All of us are born blank—clear as crystal, with a simple mind. There is no question of "what is life?" when we begin. But once we grow, everything pours in: religion, culture, society, norms, fears. We are tuned like machines to act. Our lives are conformed and ruled. I have briefly considered some hitches, with references to particular consistencies.

The First Obstruction: Religion

The first obstruction to happiness is religion. A slightly deeper understanding of the spiritual world brings greater unhappiness, just as greater knowledge subsumes a major portion of happiness. Religion teaches concocted falseness about life—sufferings, sorrows, sins, death—that alters our lives and every action. Religion corrupts with many unrealistic imaginations and theories, and creates fears not only in this life but also in a next life, troubled by imagination. On the other hand, you feel compelled to follow the dogmas of religion from fear of excommunication by parents and community. You believe that religion is the only secret and your own way to reach heaven. Since religions say all are born as sinners, and if you don't purify in this life, you believe you will be condemned to hell by God. Thus you live under constant fear about whether your works are right according to religion. Your mind is filled with worry and anxiety about hell. So your life becomes fearful of living. It truly confuses your existence. For example, phallicism adds shame, and people secretly spit on and demean its values.

Religion teaches you to be like the Buddha, Lord Krishna, Christ, and so on. When you fail to attain that, you hate yourself and slowly become bad and corrupted, thinking you are not worthy to live. These doubts and superstitious beliefs ultimately dehumanize you. When you hate yourself, you hate your partner, your family, people, animals, your community, and society. You carry a cesspool of hatred. And hatred leads to an unhappy life.

The concept and search for emptiness in religion in turn fills your mind—making you god-fearing, not god-loving. You tend to suffer in real life because you live in the imagination, a world outside this world, infecting imaginary pains and suffering onto your surroundings, to a great extent. You are caught up in doubt. You are afraid to make decisions. You skip from one belief to another, always doubting whether you have found the right path. For example, a desire to be in an imaginary perfected heaven taunts real life more, and diminishes when you imagine hell. You become increasingly aware that your mind trembles between religion and life, likes and dislikes, pain and pleasure. This is the basis of the problem of suffering, and you distort the very nature of life. Religion sucks your life. There is no transcending happiness.

Consider this: a drunkard is often a happy man. He lives in the moment. He enjoys. He has no past, no present, no future—a buoyant life swings him with laughter. The effect of drugs can produce a state of happiness, but if you know you are drugged, your happiness fades. Religion is like drugs. If you don't know how to incorporate it into your life, you bungle a good life.

The followers of religious sects, in my view, are often among the most despicable people in the world. Monks, suppose, are a miserable group of species on earth. They sneak out of monasteries and play snooker or caroms in the Hong Kong market in Thimphu. They rape. They commit all kinds of illegal acts. The first tobacco offender in Bhutan was a monk. And he deserved three years in prison because he set a bad example for good people.

I have defined happiness as a collection of happy activities. Yet religion forbids many pleasurable, enjoyable activities. Where is happiness if these activities are not allowed? For example, religion prohibits playing degor or archery, or imposes a set of principles if one indulges too much. These activities provide short-term joy, and the recurrence of short-term joys is the essence of long-term inner peace and happiness. Happiness is also a manifestation of external or physical happiness. External happiness brings internal happiness.

Happiness is lost when there is no good love. And religion forbids this too. Where is happiness without attachment, affection, love, or passion? The cruel intention of religion is to isolate you, destroy your self-worth, and separate you from personal love and affection. Personal love and happiness radiate to others. Religion does not reflect life; it does not show good ways; it never touches life. In fact, it creates the illusion of separateness—the illusion that there is you and a totally separate other.

Religious superiority widens gaps and builds tensions. Some religious sects think their religion is true and superior and all others are false. For example, Muslims believe Islam is the true religion and all others are false. Because of these differences, religious tensions, racisms, gaps, problems, and violence are widespread. The perennial conflicts between Muslims and Buddhists in Burma make thousands of families unhappy. British colonizers used Christian missionaries to colonize people's minds. The history of wars tells us that many wars are based on religious rifts and conflicts. For example, the religious atrocities between Sunnis and Shiites tear thousands of lives apart. The early European conflict between Protestant Christians and the Catholic Church from 1524 to 1648, and the Crusades, are further examples of religiously motivated wars.

I am not against any religion per se, but I am against its principles, its sects, its confining customs. Religion confines and harms one internally rather than alleviating life. It prohibits the freedom to do and enjoy, even when no one else is harmed. I am against its superfluous interpretations, especially those coming from half-baked religious practitioners.

The Second Obstruction: Society

The second obstruction to a happy life is society and the people around you. To live life according to the control of others, to rely on others' opinions, to conform, and not to be true to yourself—this is so paltry that you lead a pitiful life. You mask your face. You imitate the pattern. You have no creative pattern of your own. You never improve because of these people and society. They devalue individualism. It is difficult to mind your own business, think about yourself, believe in yourself, and lead a happy life. For example, you may like fashion and want to learn about it. That is your interest. You will do something different from your villagers. But your environment lacerates you. You must walk the same trodden path. You don't have your own small path. What a heck? There is no "self." Instead, you live in a mix of anxious shadows—shame, unworthiness, rage, mistrust, rejection, desolation—that simmer below the surface of your face value.

True happiness is self-reliant. It listens to oneself, not to society, not to others' bullshit—not to your neighbor or your environment. Last weekend, I watched a gripping movie, The Stoning of Soraya M. This true story is a tale of horrific injustice from a feigned society. It represents the stilled practices and norms of society in many Middle Eastern countries. The story occurs in a village where stoning as capital punishment drives away the happiness of women and men alike. Zahra's revelation to French journalists about the stoning of Soraya is a revolution against the secret evils of a sadistic, misogynist society that fabricates superstitious beliefs to terrorize and brutally execute a woman.

The Third Obstruction: Material Development

The third obstruction to happiness is material development. Development materially does not bring happiness. For example, the expansion of road networks harms the environment. Wanting happiness is not about doing away with desire, but about being self-contained. Self-reliance does not mean economic self-reliance alone. It is individual self-satisfaction, mental self-realization. You are poor because you think you are poor, or because you cannot save what you get. What do riches and position do for a life? It is just a psyche. The basic way of living a life is enough to be happy. There are many clutches to be freed—hindrances to our happiness. You want things, and it is okay to want things and to want to succeed, but tell yourself that you will be happy even without them.

Development like technology and media instead brings more depression. For example, you tend to imitate movies, which are reflections but not real life. You hunt for a movie-like life and feel depressed when you cannot achieve it. Development pushes you further away from life. Social media like Facebook brings more harm. It not only erodes human values like love, relationship, and ethics, but it also kills a lot of time. At a New Year's riverside family gathering, I saw a man engaged with his laptop on Facebook the entire day. His family connection was completely lost. Family concerns were given no importance.

Happiness is Also Good Relationship

Happy wife, happy life—or happy husband, happy life. A virtuous relationship, a good sex life, good understanding—these make a happy life. They are basic sources of happiness at times. Good relations include not only your family but also everything that surrounds you: your dog or animals, your home, your kitchen garden, your friends, your neighbors, your environment—everything around you.

Worry about your own family, your own sons and daughters at home, rather than worrying about the Darfur war or Somalia's hunger. You worry so much more about the outside than your inside world, bringing unhappy pictures into your life, to your spouse, to your family. You watch more programs on television than you watch your family or neighbor. You talk more about the world's problems than your own family matters or matters with your neighbor. You barricade your neighbor with a wall. You bother more about other buildings than your own. You don't know your next-door people. You create such an awkward environment where you live. The world has fallen apart. City life is fast sweeping into rural country. You compare so much: you compare your spouse with another, you compare your relationship with others', you compare your children with movies or some other "best" children, you compare life as a whole. You live in a world of comparison, and when you compare, you compare what is not in you. Sometimes, being self-righteous, being individualistic, and being contained are the true ways of living.

The GNH Pillars Themselves

The Gross National Happiness pillars themselves are obvious manifestations of immeasurable deterrence to happiness. To bring equitable and equal socio-economic development, sacrifices must be made to the environment, culture, and spiritual heritage. Equal economic development is not attainable—not even fair equality—if these pillars are strictly followed. For equality to exist, your mind must first be tamed. The preservation and promotion of cultural and spiritual heritage only help you go backward to the primitive. And they cannot be barred. Imported cultures make you happier and give you a sense of development and belonging. How many of you don't like to watch Hollywood movies? How many of you like to impress others with a typical foreign accent? How many of you don't want to pursue Western education? How many of you still want to read Kanjur and Tenjur in your room? How many of you want to adopt and change? The questions continue, and these questions are not recipes for happiness, but rather pillars to a happy life. The Countess of Blessington says, "There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness." It is true.

You cannot be taught values, aesthetics, and spiritual traditions—the so-called pillars of happiness. They must be practiced on your own.

You cannot say governance is good governance. Your good governance will be another's bad government. Government and bureaucracy comprise many antagonistic characters and sinecure workers. The so-called upholders of rules and regulations are themselves perpetrators in the country. Recent political parties bray out false promises to woo voters. For example, the Druk Phuensum Tshogpa's prime minister asking unashamedly for kidu (royal benefaction) of Prado cars for themselves from the King is inappropriate. Kidu is only meant for the unfortunate poor. Is this good governance? On the pretext of keeping old customs and traditions, there is much corruption, nepotism, and sycophancy.

To have good governance, people work to the maximum trying to achieve it. A very bad life has to be lived to gain good governance. Tough National Assembly discussions project an image of governance. Civil rights movements, anti-corruption moves, fraternity, and equality are all sores of the human desire to change the system without changing themselves.

So What is Happiness?

The precept of happiness is being kind, loving, and true to yourself. In other words, it is self-loving, self-kindness, self-forgiveness, self-preserving, self-protection, and non-self-judgment. You need love and appreciation. But you cannot find them in others. You find them in yourself. You make yourself happy. Only then can you please others. Do first what pleases you without harming others. Build empathy and compassion within yourself, and this can ultimately lead to self-satisfaction, fearlessness, confidence, and strength against any other account.

So, happiness is no hue and cry about GNH parameters, religious dogmas, the outside world, comparison, or imaginary beliefs. It is simply the basic, necessary life of your own.

Bertrand Russell says in his book The Conquest of Happiness:

"A man who has once perceived, however temporarily and however briefly, what makes the greatness of a soul can no longer be happy if he allows himself to be petty, self-seeking, troubled by trivial misfortunes, dreading what fate may have in store for him. The man capable of the greatness of soul will open wide the windows of his mind, letting the winds blow freely upon it from every portion of the universe."

Note: This article is not entirely baseless; it is quite analytical. It is not so well researched but has argumentative aspects. The writer's view does not go against any individuals, sects, or the government, nor does it challenge any facts. But it is a personal defiance of the concepts described. The essay will be continued soon.

“If with a pure mind you speak or act, then happiness  follows you as a shadow that never departs.” (The Buddha)

A Car Named Desire

Are you a mobile gadgets freak?  Do you change your mobile frequently?  How many mobiles do you have? Are some questions many people are asking these days.

Nobody would deny that this is an electronic age. We are living here. There are a lot of new things which have made our life so easy. Mobile phone is one of them which can be seen as the most used in the present-day phenomenon and in this fast-growing time. The mobile phone is a revolutionary step in the field of telecommunication.

Now there are many branded mobiles for people. There are different varieties of Nokia, you have Samsung, 

you have a blackberry, and you have iPhones - iPhone five-the latest.

Last time, my friend bought an iphone4, which was quite expensive but utterly useless to me, though it has so many facilities. I am not a kind of mobile freak. I don’t really like mobiles. We must remember this: Using cell phones too much is harmful to human health and can increase the risk of brain cancer. Not only that it harm eyes. There were many times, I didn’t even carry a mobile. Simple Nokia is enough for me. I can call with it anywhere around the world like apple phones with my Nokia. I have my laptop to use all facilities like mobile. Why need two when one is all that enough. Human desire is unlimited. The quick drop of an iPhone on the ground burns a year’s saving. Likewise, I never liked gold, silver, or whatever. Women love gold and jewelry. Human desire will go on if one never learns to cease. I never understand what the rationale behind people wearing gold is. There is no rationale as such for liking something and there is no reason to love; we simply love and like. I like cars; a very elegant and rich-looking cars. The car I bought in 2008, Hyundai Getz GVS was one of the nicest cars in that period but now it’s obsolete.

I love cars, but my Getz has bombarded; it has become quite expensive both in terms of fuel and maintenance. It’s now six years and I think I have fed him gallows of fuel. I was trying to sell him but it was difficult with new and cheap cars coming in. I like to buy a good BMW or Mercedes Ben, and for this, I think my family would have to have a piece of rice every meal. I wouldn’t do such a thing for personal desire, for personal happiness, for personal gains, etc. Now a thing is not only a thing. There are other things which mean a lot. One cannot deny the change in life with the change of time but when this change is over-exposed I think it’s pollution. I realize now that we must balance these two phenomena in order to create a healthy world.

My Getz GVS

Hatred

Turning things over in my mind—
And the more I do,
The worse I feel.

The rustling sounds bring tears,
Stirring terrible memories.

How can I turn away
From the darkness of rough times?

My thoughts always end up back at you.
Your presence lurks everywhere around me.

I simply hate today.

Time to Wag Tails Politicians

Now that the second-term election is only a few months away, people must have some qualifications of a right person in their minds. That’s good. Bhutan was in the middle of an enigma in 2008. There were instances of choosing the wrong person. Or was it because of the limited choice?

I write this because I am reminded of a bad example of how our government can be irresponsible in choosing the right ministers for a ministry. I am lifting an old example from The Journalist newspaper (13/6/10, page 5): the confession made by Health Minister Zanglay Drukpa. He said to the paper, “I came with an open mind since I knew nothing about health.” I laughed at his frankness but at the same time felt ashamed. From then on, I knew there was something artificial in the functioning of our system. There are many "hotch-potch Dashos" like him. It is like the right person for the wrong job. There are scores of others in the present batch of elected members who have joined politics for the love of power and money. Some of them have turned out to be worse than statues, stealthily filling their stomachs, as they don’t speak a word in the National Assembly. Others survive on lip service and fake promises.

Bhutan didn’t know that much of this would happen in the first election. Now people know; there are talks in every small gathering and the like about choosing a leader of good heart—someone responsible, capable, understanding, etc. Politicization is important, therefore. People must by now also know that an individual must not decide the candidate alone; rather, it is the responsibility of people coming together to decide on their representative. Democracy is sometimes described as communities of people coming together, and it imagines many voices pouring into a unified whole. Democracy should permeate the world beyond politics, making itself felt in the ways people think, speak, work, fight, and even make art. No nepotism, no relations, no bribery—nothing but selecting through collective decision would yield a good leader, because it is for the greater goodness and well-being of the whole, not for an individual.

Coming back to the right person for the right job: the subject matter is very important. Every job demands specialization in a specific subject. One cannot be a jack of all trades. An untrained person cannot suddenly declare himself a carpenter. An educationist cannot become a doctor. An accountant takes up their profession because it is professional. But when it comes to a society like ours, everyone wags their tail in front of money (and barks back nonsensically at their own people) and the post, not necessarily thinking about their area of responsibility and the outcome. As a result, our government becomes buoyant and susceptible, where everyone tries to make a bulb with no knowledge of how to light it, but nobody succeeds. Because of this, I think we had so many problems in the Health Ministry. This type of malfunction, which pulls our nation down, should not be repeated, as society depends upon them. And in turn, they depend on society.

The Moon on My Bed

Silently, silently in the night—
What am I doing?
So let down.

Lying on my bed,
I can only see the moon
Through my window pane.

You are far,
Yet the moon warms me.
But now it has slowly moved behind the clouds,
Leaving me alone. Alone.
Darkness ascends upon me.

How can this be night?
No night, no night.
No evening, no evening.
Yet it comes every time.

I am dying,
Thinking of visions—
The visions of you
On my bed.
Show me the moon.

I can't wake up in the morning.
This whole night I cannot sleep.
Days have become my nights.

What can be good?
What happened to me?
I have changed—
Because of the lack of love
That you show to me.

Why Are You Reminded After a Long Time?

People say you should take things as they come and that time is the only solution. I know this now. Sitting near my laptop, I feel as if some flickering parts of my life have shattered and darkness has ascended. A swamp of memories rushes in upon me—long struggles, my afflictions, my wasted life, my moments of loneliness. Now I feel very hurt, but I keep those bad memories and thoughts to myself. A shameful consciousness of my own person harasses me. I see myself as clownish, a pitiable guy in the reflection of a glance. But I have learned to shake myself free of it and continue to caress my life. And now I question why I was so different, so hesitant.

It was an awful, empty day. The days were the longest and saddest of my life. That was before she ditched me like a duster.

She was incredibly stunning. The center of bait for many people like me, who had fallen and become victims of love. I played a small role in her life. She fooled me by staying around all my life. I began to sink further into the bleakness of silent love. The more I watched, the more I despised my own weakness. She tormented my thinking, never let me sleep well—visions and images filled everything around me.

There were many students I could name who looked physically fine to my eyes, but her history told me that she had never accepted any of them. She was seen as an extravagant girl.

What happens when one loves someone? It was a kind of ambivalent feeling. I both hated and loved her. What more was there? She was charming and gracious. Love had nothing to do with wealth, fame, or beauty. It simply happened. Loving her would mean loving everything—if only I could have her.

I wonder how these beautiful ladies react when they receive too much attention and loving, sweet smiles. How do they take it in and feel about it? I guess they would be flying high in the sky. I knew that some ladies simply stab a heart with a sweet, poisoned knife, shatter green hearts, speak the cruelest words, break hearts into pieces, and then move away silently. And the guys dissolve into unpredictable acts—drinking, drugs, quarrels, going mad, attempting suicide, and more unspeakable things.

These were some of the reasons that made me petrified and regretful.

In college, I would wait, carefully timing the moment when I could pass her on the stairs and whisper, "Good morning." And she would answer cheerfully, "Good morning."

That was all that ever passed between us.

Women are like empty pots, waiting to be filled. They need three sweet, shallow reasons to fill them and make them feel wanted and happy.

Watching her everywhere—any place, anywhere—she would laugh with her friends and roam with many boyfriends. Her heaven was the space she occupied. But she—yes, she, the girl whom I loved so much—was ignorant of my presence. "Does she know if someone loves her?" I often asked that. The refusal was the most horrible drug. In my thoughts, I would have done everything with her. Je ne sais quoi she was.

My tortured soul told me, "Hold her in your arms now and never let go." But it wasn't worth it. She had to have a choice of her own, too. I was shilly-shallying.

"Will she ever choose a man who loves her very much?" I wondered. At all costs, I stayed away from her unless and until she wanted to see me. If not, I would only suffer.


Two years later, she came to meet me. I saw her again, looking sad and worried. My mouth opened wide when she greeted me lovingly. I broke into a sly smile. My mind said, "How many more years must she make me suffer? Anyway, not all love leads to married life. True love lasts forever—as long as you find another true love."

Karma might have had its way, but it did not come to me at that moment. When she put her hand on my shoulder and closed her eyes and asked, "Are you married?" I couldn't answer her, although my heart was brimming over with happiness. Just when I had been wishing for it so much, she had come to me of her own accord.

It was the best and the worst thing happening in my life.

"Why?" I asked.

"He left me. And he is dead now."

"Somebody you were in love with?" I asked her dryly. A wave of dull anger began to gather at the back of my mind.

"Yes. A year back, he left me and home because of some quarrels. On his way, his car went off the road. I think he died because of me."

Choking on sobs, she was overcome by her emotions and dropped down onto my knees.

Rage. A huge thunderstorm raced in my blood.

"Will you kill me too? Do you think I'm a fool—a spoiled brat? Do you think I'm your second man, to come and use whenever you like?" I said into the void. She didn't hear.

So she had had that romance in her life—a wealthy man who died because of her. It pained me to consider how poor a part I had played in her life. No, not a poor part. Perhaps the biggest role I played in her life was no role at all.

The lady I had longed for so many years vanished in just a second. On the other hand, her girlish beauty had almost gone. But my past feeling toward her cooled the thunderstorm raging inside me. One by one, they all became shades, then faded like the dying embers of a fire. Soon, generous tears filled my eyes. "Did she know what I went through all those longing years?"

I was modestly taken by love. It poisoned me—most probably by her beauty. I asked her happily, "Sorry. What can I do for you?"

"I knew you for so many years. I know that you wished to live with me," she said in a distant tone. "I am sorry I ignored you. But why didn't you tell me the day you loved me?"

The last sentence seemed to hurt. "Only I was diffident and could not approach her. That led to a story and a wasted life. I regret it." The words rang in my mind.

"Yes, now I shouldn't refuse you. I need you. I should not blame you, for it was the only love, Choden," I told her.

Trembling with a mixture of delight and sadness, I stood close to her. She put her hands on my shoulder, and with her sudden hug, I fell to her so easily.


But the story I have never asked my wife—now—is about that wealthy lover who died for her sake. How long will it continue like this? In fact, until our very last breath. Because if you dig up decayed stool, it smells a lot.

A Wise Voice

I may not look like the son of King Jigme Singye Wangchuck,
But I have some of his qualities—
And the power over my own soul.

I may not be the brightest bulb in the room,
But I can light the way
For us to walk together.

I may not have the heart of Lord Buddha,
But I have feelings and sympathies—
And a virtuous heart.

I may not speak as gracefully as you wish,
But I have a wise voice.
Listen to what I say, not how I say it.

I may not be strong like John Cena,
But I can hold you when you fall
And fight till I cannot move.

I may not have sumptuous three square meals,
But I have a heart that can be trusted,
A love that will keep us alive,
A smile to keep you happy.

I may do something you don't like.
I may have asked you to care for me.
But in the end,
I care for you more than anything in the world.